She stands by the roadside at night, alone, resolved to end her life under the wheels of a speeding car. But, at the last moment, a colleague appears, suspecting what might be going on in her mind. This was not the only attempt at suicide made by Waad (not her real name), who had suffered cyber blackmail for years. Nevertheless she had not sought the help of her family against the blackmailer, fearing she might become the victim of an honour killing.

Waad’s story goes back to 2019, when she became romantically involved with one of her colleagues. After some time, she began to feel insecure and decided to break up with him. He adamantly refused and tried to emotionally blackmail her. Faced with her determination to end their relationship, he began to stalk her, not only in her neighbourhood, but also in one Cairo’s main streets, after she had been out to an event.

Fear of Parents Undermines Rights

Waad is one of a number of Egyptian girls who have fallen victim to online blackmail and who, instead of reporting the crime to internet investigators, either give in to the blackmailer's threats, run away or commit suicide. Sometimes this is because the girl is too scared to face her family and risk of life-threatening violence, if they find out their daughter has been seeing someone or do not believe her when the blackmailer fabricates photos or conversations. That is the finding of a study into online violence against women in Egypt produced by Digital Arabia Network in collaboration with SecDev (a Canadian non-profit organisation that supports the use of technology to promote transparency, accountability and security) and the Canadian foreign ministry. Girls are forced to conceal what is going on from their families, even at the expense of their safety and security. This is what Waad did, as all she could think of was that she might be subjected to an honour killing by her family. So she considered suicide for the second time, hoping to end the nightmare she had been living for years.

According to a 2024 survey by the Speak Up! initiative on “Blackmail and Cybercrime in Egypt” – involving 3,176 people, 90 per cent of them women - only ten per cent officially reported crimes of online violence. Among the reasons they gave for not doing so were “not knowing the legal procedures involved in in making a complaint,” followed by “fear of the family”. 

Azza Mostafa, chair of the board at the Sabaya Al-Khair Development Association, also says that fear of what the family might do has led many of the women monitored by the association to run away from home and to attempt, or actually commit, suicide.

Consultant psychiatrist Dr Gamal Farweez says that girls who contemplate or attempt suicide, because of fear of their family or because relations with them are strained, have a “paranoid personality.” Such cases are in stark contrast to girls who have a calm and rational personality, who can turn to their parents and friends for support and help when facing the same problems.

Some families, however, far from reacting violently towards their daughter, may remain emotionally stable and overlook the details of what she did, so as not to be shocked or feel angry towards her. Waad’s father was a case in point. He refused to discuss what happened and simply followed up on the report his daughter made against the blackmailer. But others heap all the blame on the girl, not the man, like the brothers of Maryam (not her real name). Her first encounter with online blackmail was in February 2022, when she received a number of anonymous texts on Messenger with sexual content and explicit threats of harassment.

At first, Maryam's family were against her decision report the perpetrator, fearing the social stigma. And her brothers said she was to blame for exposing herself to such abuse, because of the type of clothes she wore and the photos she chose to post on social media.

Dr Farweez thinks these differing reactions stem from the character of the family members and their life chances and abilities, and from their surrounding circumstances. He also believes that blaming girls who fall victim to online blackmail is linked to the “patriarchal” nature of the society to which they belong, where it is normal to blame the girl, the weak element in the whole story.

When a father becomes his daughter's hero

While Maryam was blamed by her brothers, Ahmed Younis, a content creator, provided full support and protection to his sister Shaima, also a content creator. She had gone through a similar experience at the hands of a blackmailer before he was arrested.

“Dad, I wanted you there when I woke up, to be by my side, and talk to me.” This is how Waad describes her rather superficial relationship with her father, who was largely absent from her life. He was not close to her, and his interactions with her were limited to asking about whether she was saying her prayers and doing her studies properly. This made it difficult for her to look deep inside herself and to work out her direction in life, without advice or guidance from those closest to her, especially after she moved to Cairo and lived alone while studying and working.

Dr Farweez describes the central role of the father in the family: “The father is the protective umbrella of the family. The stronger his relationship with his daughter, the more she’ll turn to him to resolve her problems. The more immature this relationship is, on the other hand, the greater the chance that she’ll fall prey to blackmail, because she’s searching for that missing affection she didn’t get from her father.”

Perhaps the most telling example of this is the story of 11-year-old Serena. Her father, Mohamed Tolba, was more than just a loving and supportive father in his daughter's life; he became a hero, who rescued her from the clutches of one of the “monsters of cyber blackmail.” 

It all goes back to 2022, when Serena’s father shared a post on Facebook expressing his unconditional love and support for his young daughter, who turned to him alone when she fell victim to online blackmail. The father acted wisely and reported the blackmailer to the police cybercrime unit, which arrested the suspect.

Parental support saves the lives of survivors

After months of terror, Waad expected no change in her family's attitude. After she had decided to end her life and had concealed a knife inside her bag, she met her mother and uncle, who had travelled to Cairo specifically to put an end to the crisis. Something totally unexpected happened, says Waad: “By a miracle, things totally changed.”

Waad believes that her family supported her because they realised they could be about to lose her. "My parents accepted me because I’m their daughter and they understood that my life is more important. I appreciate the fact that that they didn’t press me for details about what happened in the past between me and this other person, because they felt that there must be some painful details which would upset them if they knew. So they chose to stop there, and what makes it a bit easier for them is that the legal case is still going on and the perpetrator could be punished in the end.”|

Dr Farweez stresses how important it is for parents to support their daughters: "Psychological support for the girl from her family will lessen the impact of the trauma on her mental health, especially if she has a nervous personality and is thinking of committing suicide, running away from home or isolating herself from others. If the daughter is supported to overcome the effects of the experience, this will give her strength to confront the blackmailer and not give in to his threats."

Certain patterns of behaviour by girls who are victims of cyber blackmail should alert parents to the need to intervene immediately and provide support and protection, Dr Farweez explains: “Insomnia is one of the most common signs that should alert parents that there is a problem and they need to intervene quickly. Also lying in bed all day not wanting to do anything, eating too little or too much, having slow reactions, lack of concentration, not talking much or only in a low voice or not making much sense.”

On the same theme, Gehad Hamdy, founder of Speak Up!, says: “Whatever parents do they can’t stop prevent their daughters running into problems; but their role is essentially to standing by them. So if a girl gets caught up in something like cyber extortion, they must hold her close and help her and not become an instrument of intimidation that can be used by the blackmailer.”

Civil society organisations and raising awareness among parents

While Speak Up! strives to raise community awareness of cyber blackmail and online violence, the Bar-Aman initiative also offers a number of awareness-raising workshops for girls and parents. Its founder, Mayar Makki, says: “We work to make parents aware of the importance of building mutual trust between them and their daughters, so that they can be a source of security for them. Often, girls are fearful of how their parents will react when they suffer cyber blackmail, and this can sometimes lead them to attempt or actually commit suicide.”

The Sabaya Al-Khair for Development association also goes beyond supporting survivors of criminal online violence, playing a key role in raising parental awareness through seminars on digital safety and ways to combat blackmail.

“We managed to convince a large number of parents that they needed to stand by their daughters by getting in touch with them and telling them their daughters weren’t the only ones facing this type of crime. And we assured them we’d solve the problem legally while maintaining confidentiality,” says Azza Mustafa, describing the positive part Sabaya Al-Khair for Development plays in confronting both online violence and domestic violence against girls.

Even though she has overcome her greatest fear, thanks to the support of her family, Waad still feels apprehensive about her relationship with them. She wants them to associate her with positive things, not the outcome of this ordeal. In Maryam’s case, in her determination to find the identity of her blackmailer and so protect herself, she found nothing but encouragement and support from her family in the end.

Waad and Maryam have yet to receive proper redress against their blackmailers because of the delays and complexities of the legal system and confusion over what options are available to them. One of them was also defrauded by the very lawyers she had engaged to handle her case. But what is certain is that both women, thanks to the support of their families, are once again clear in their minds that they have the right to live without fear of violence, murder or suicide.